+ Pathology +

~I’ve been away for more or less a month (I honestly don’t remember the days). I’ve had no “luft” for writing, for thinking, and specially to describe how lately my desire to put someone’s head on a pick is taking me to. I could say, of course, and blame all the things I’ve had to do lately, bands, work, college, but no matter how I see it I can see no reason to stay away from this place, which I created as a discipline, as an act of courage and perseverance to prove that I could actually create something and hold on to it, regardless what my Ex girlfriend says.

As you all could predict if you actually read anything I sometimes write, I’ve been having some strange days, feeling down, feeling confuse and afterwards feeling completely empty, and emotionless so to say. I’ve been having strange dreams, most of them end up with the portrait of a homicide and a constant voice in my head that says “kill her, kill her” like an oddity you hear on a Circus. So everyday I wake up with the urge, the uncontrollable urge to harm the first thing in motion that crosses my path, “that’s probably not ok” You might think, but even so I smile because little by little I’m beginning to lose control over what I fear but love the most. My mask of sanity slips away on such a charming way, that it's utterly delicious. I honestly don’t know how long I’d be able to gaze the world through common sense eyes (if there's such a thing).

I recently found a blog of someone that somehow resembles me. Makes me feel that perhaps I’m not the only fucked up around here and that Miguel ain’t the only one that actually get’s me without saying “You’re seriously scrued up”.  There’s something in me that doesn’t let me be what I’m supposed to be, and the most beautiful part is my certain empathy towards it.

I did some self analysis over the past few days reviewing old emails of people I have interacted with over the years. Seems everyone I connected with I pushed away, and everyone I interacted with I manipulated in one way or another. Sometimes I wonder if Sociopathy has really imprisoned me. I don't like people getting too close and their entire personal question. Women tend to want to nurture you like some sick puppy (I ain't no sick puppy bitch!). This is just a meaningless post for my own reasons. I am becoming more aware of the obvious, yet I am not compelled to change. Perhaps the next encounter I shall take to a deeper level, we will see. I need to push my limits.

Virtually yours,
Damian Dior.
[Inspired by: Petronix]