+ Cicatriz +

~It's been a long time since the time I felt the need to write, then again time passes by so fast that we all got deceive by the mascara we wear; and all of the sudden, needs change, days are discordant and a blood rotten cancer eats half your life out. Yes, life changes.

Today as I was in college I was asked by a friend if I thought people could actually change, I thought about it and told him that even though I do believe we can change, is not we who change, it's our actions and the circumstances that do. It's not the way we move around, or the way we speak, it's the way we express the sorrow or the happiness, the chaos and the disorder that gathers on our doorways. Yes, we do change, but why does it takes a lifetime running in circles before we find out that it's not that scary to move on? I talk about it, because today I also found out how scared am I of letting all hope gone, of letting life go a little bit and focus on things that actually matter and not o that future that seems never-ending and never-coming; if I am to root on this place I hate, am I good enough to focus on the exit I have now, even though it takes a few years? What if this situation, the cancer, the therapy, the newborns, the poisons, the struggle, the surviving, the loneliness... Changes me in such a way that on a few years perhaps would it be too late to find a way out? And there I find my primal angst, the root of all my misunderstanding and apathy towards human interactions and people per se.

''You wear a mask for so long, that you forgot who you are beneath it'' I think we all have heard that somewhere, but for as repeated as it might be it holds one great truth and one huge tragedy. Today I came home walking and thinking about the current situation and that feeling I get when I stand on my doorway, the helplessness and misery, the lack of reality; I wonder how real am I now... After so long, how many of those things I know and remember are real. I guess, I need further thinking on that particular matter but truth to be told and for much as I hate and love Einsteins relativity... everything depends of the point of view, of the curvature, of the time and space.

Now, people can change, we all can change and see the World on a different way than we do now; the only thing that takes is a sacrifice most of us aren't willing to do for I know it's falling into oblivion before seeing the sun again. But as one friend once told me -one of those friend I don't remember and have a face no more- No matter how dark it gets, dawn always comes. And now that I come to think about it, I find it kinda funny and kinda sad.

Virtually yours,
Damian Dior.