+ A day far, far away... +

~It’s strange how some things happen on life, some of them you wish them with all your heart that when they actually happen you’re to overwhelmed to understand them, so you just stare with blank eyes at a void and let time just pass by.  And others, like a game, like the consequences of your own actions and your revolutionary self doing fucked up things. I’ve always said “I’m not a good person” and I might believe that right now quiet a few number of people agrees with me. Course I didn’t say it referring to an specific case or situation, just talking about my experience on the things I’ve been involved too; so yeah, perhaps right now  I AM a horrible being. Most of people are great to judge other actions for hat they consider not to be right, most of them never stop to think which particular context made a person do something that went against its nature in order to survive. For example, most of you  would say that a Killer, is just another cold bloated man, not being able to look at the big picture and just seeing a little piece of the mans life. Perhaps if you look closer you might find out that the guy had issues to solve, a family to maintain, someone to help and the only way he had to get that was doing something he despised with all his heart. Do your opinion changed on this one? Perhaps not, as I said is hard for others to look at the big picture when all they see is what matters the most: The wrong actions and those are the same we get judged for. I’ve made my mistakes too and I DO NOT feel proud of them [even though I admit most of them are extremely hilarious] if you know me enough you know which tragedies shacked my little bubble til the point of left me on oblivion, AND if you know me enough you also know I’m not capable of doing most of the tings I had to do to get trough a familiar and personal crisis. I’m not going to get personal on this one, because has never been y style to make up excuses when reasons are so visible, but I do apologies with that person, from the bottom of my heart and I wish she understands one day why someone does things it that are against it’s personal nature. This weekend something strange happened that made me wake up on a brutal way of my little conscious and self-centered self, making me realize how low I went, and how low I fall just for a little survival, yes, and survival. Is hard to look at the mirror and see the product of the work you’ve done reflected on your face, and the only question left is “what now?... What now? I wonder that every night before I go to sleep, even with my sleeping issues lately my mind has been so dried up that I’ve been sleeping for over a week, non too sentiment. My poorly actions leaded me to a point of self awareness, made me lose some of my best friends, and gave a point to my ex gf when se used to tell me “If you continue like you’re going and you don’t take this shit seriously, something’s gonna happen to you”, and guess what! The Maid was right. A few days ago I saw all the SAW movies, and I wondered if the people on it really changed something after surviving to Jigsaw tests, It moved me, and made me look for an answer, I wanted something like that to happen to me. I can now say that If your heart beats faster enough, if your life feels so trapped and no exit is apparently there, you might have changed… Just picture yourself on a room with a device tied up to your head and a voice sayin’ “hello Damian, I wanna play a Game…” If that didn’t make you chill, nothing will, think… What would do You for your survival?. Day tastes different now for me, water and bread too. If all it takes is a shock to wake up from apathy I’m grateful with the people who did that for me. That’s all for today.

Either way, you should look at the mirror from time to time… Perhaps you’re not what you think you are, anymore.

By DamianDior